youle blog

2012-01-08T12:59:00.002-05:00

rjyan and i drove home from a ski trip to snowshoe at 5 in the morning but found that west virginia is most beautiful around 7.

2011-12-27T15:36:00.001-05:00

lots of empty frames around the apartment still.

this is my favorite plant, another fern, but i don't know what it's called. it goes limp if i forget about it for one day.

2011-12-27T15:25:00.000-05:00

2011 Books Read

2011-12-21T12:54:00.022-05:00

In roughly chronological order:

Georges Bataille, L'Abbe C
Stieg Larsson, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Dave Eggers, Zeitoun
Pablo Neruda, Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair
Orhan Pamuk, The White Castle
Salman Rushdie, The Enchantress of Florence
Vladimir Nabokov, The Eye
Vladimir Nabokov, Look at the Harlequins!
Charlotte Roche, Wetlands
Chris Ware, Lint
Shane Jones, Light Boxes
Scott Westerfield, Uglies
Marent Bloemheuvel, Post Nature
Karen Russell, St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves
Ray Bradbury, Zen and the Art of Writing
Jonathan Safran Foer, Eating Animals
Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire
Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay
John Waters, Crackpot: The Obsessions of John Waters
Agatha Christie, They Came to Baghdad
Agatha Christie; Ordeal by Innocence
Agatha Christie, Endless Night
Joan Didion, Vintage Didion
Florence Scovel Shinn, The Game of Life and How to Play It
Robin Robertson, The Wrecking Light
Jorge Luis Borges, Seven Nights
George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings
George R.R. Martin, A Storm of Swords
George R.R. Martin, A Feast for Crows
George R.R. Martin, A Dance With Dragons (imminently)

Indulgent list for a funny year. HAPPY SOLSTICE!

2011-12-20T13:39:00.002-05:00

just got lost in this place for a minute...

look at the set!

2011-12-19T11:34:00.006-05:00

pierre had been shitting in the potted aloe. i have a really unremarkable sense of smell so it was left to rjyan to slowly go mad pulling out the couch and cushions and sniffing around the apartment.

so that's why i got into macrame this weekend, with some nice results...

this first attempt was a little stumpy:

i ran out of string but i want to make two-tiered ones next. we have a lot of bewildered plants around here!

2011-12-15T13:38:00.008-05:00

Cuteness is a way of aestheticizing powerlessness. It hinges on a sentimental attitude toward the diminutive and/or weak, which is why cute objects—formally simple or noncomplex, and deeply associated with the infantile, the feminine, and the unthreatening—get even cuter when perceived as injured or disabled. So there’s a sadistic side to this tender emotion, as people like Daniel Harris have noted.

great Sianne Ngai interview on aesthetics

2011-12-09T15:41:00.002-05:00

discreetly following along with these at the office. considering making my own so stewart could have a cameo rushing in, talking as fast as he can, and rushing out.

also: the truth about hair

2011-11-22T19:15:00.002-05:00

pierre

2011-11-15T20:27:00.002-05:00

he lays in front of the computer and all hope for work is gone...

2011-11-14T20:03:00.001-05:00

"Well, what if nightmares were strictly supernatural? What if nightmares were cries from hell? What if nightmares literally took place in hell? Why not? Everything is so strange that even this is possible."

- Jorge Luis Borges

2011-11-12T15:45:00.004-05:00

last week i made this chicken:

and then i made it into chicken soup (w. broken up lasagna noodles left over from italian sausage lasagna week before, pretty good):

the trees are doing stuff:

and the downstairs porch:

but these are all from LAST weekend before the miraculous arrival of pierre and as such they no longer interest me. i'm burning up in love. TBC

notes from a compliance monitoring seminar

2011-10-24T15:00:00.011-04:00

"I hope there are no IT people here," he paused, "but yes, I do think the site is a little hard to navigate." He spread his palms in apology. He was wearing a white dress shirt with thin tan stripes, an amber tie and two lanyards around the neck, one navy and one red, holding different ID badges for university and department. His grey golden eyebrows arched at each point he made, the apologetic tic of his profession. A pager in a black leather case sat clipped to his dark leather belt. Deep pleats lined his khakis. He was using a laser pointer.
"Access Control," he gestured to the screen with his thin red beam, "you know, for just two words there it actually means a whole lot."

[a true story from today]

2011-10-23T11:54:00.004-04:00

potatoes, melvyn.

woolly mysticism for a crisp saturday

2011-10-22T14:28:00.001-04:00

2011-10-15T11:58:00.002-04:00

in the lab where i work doctors post up articles behind the coffeemaker, pro-coffee and against. this is a fun, cute habit of the doctors. standing, waiting for the drip you can read about how female coffee drinkers exhibit significantly less depression correlative to the amount they drink but beware- below is another article accompanied by several graphs displaying heightened risk of ischemic stroke based on coffee consumption in the previous week. glance another 8 inches left and you wouldn't believe the stall on senility extra coffee affords!

every morning i have the same small conniption. am i more depressive, senile or stroke-prone? [definitely depressive, i tell myself, so i'm "good."] how to navigate the world? every morning comes the reminder: i don't know!!!!

2011-10-13T16:06:00.003-04:00

i'm back! because i've holed up here since 2006 (rip lj) i realized nervously today that i need to continuously generate new content to better bury tearful ancient posts. tumblr? i barely knew her!

here's a lemony still life painting by my grandma hanging in my new apartment.

BOOK A WEEK SUMMER ENDS EARLY

2011-08-21T17:15:00.004-04:00

I was defeated by James Michener.

Intermittent book "reviews" continuing as I please!

BOOK A WEEK SUMMER #9: Crackpot by John Waters

2011-08-10T19:02:00.015-04:00

The full title is Crackpot: The Obsessions of John Waters by John Waters. It's fine, a nice Barthes on Herzog vibe, but I didn't want to clutter up the title with colons.

Anyway I loved this book in spite of certain familiar tales that had me confused thinking I was driving to Pittsburgh with Role Models on CD all over again. I'll only condemn a story-repeater if they're charging for it, since I've been hawking about three stories for five years (1. oma's rigor mortis hunting "prank" story, 2. the litter box story, 3. the rat infestation thriller- all delightful), but I laughed and laughed and laughed so I don't really mind in this case either. What a treasure, that this hero lives within two miles of me. We share the same water, breathe the same air, use the same ATM & he doesn't know a damn thing about it. Perfect.

BOOK A WEEK SUMMER #8: They Came to Baghdad by Agatha Christie

2011-08-02T11:34:00.005-04:00

And another: I saw the twist coming here some miles away but preferred the protagonist to all those previous so I dutifully (gleefully!) saw it through.
A rascally quick-thinking young woman is thrown into a sinister international plot to armageddon! (the details of which are never sufficiently explained; because the schemers are such a murderous group their diabolical attitude kind of suffices, i guess, for a thorough inquiry into what the apocalyptic bent actually entails. i cry “whatever” along with our heroine, natch).
cartoonish visions of iraqis, communists, and academics, but she bundles the whole thing up with string at the end and then says viola, here is a mystery book! and you’re not unhappy.

BOOK A WEEK SUMMER #7: Ordeal by Innocence by Agatha Christie

2011-07-26T20:57:00.001-04:00

A 48 hour read. It was the maid.

BOOK A WEEK SUMMER #6: Endless Night by Agatha Christie

2011-07-19T10:55:00.009-04:00

I hadn't read any Agatha Christie before, a terrible oversight in this life! Agatha's second husband said this one, Endless Night, was her darkest book, and it only took her six weeks to write! Because the twist completely blindsided me I've been overcome with a really gripping and powerful need to know more. I sniffed around the internet to find..
that they made it into an unsuccessful film in 1972 and George Sanders, one of its stars, committed suicide before the release. His suicide note read:

Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck

I, who can spend entire evenings flushed with morbid dread frantically texting my mother, find this note incredible. Obviously it is a must see, this film that was so bad it wasn't released in the US.

AND YES I MISSED LAST WEEK who cares, not me, it was Robert Pinget's fault I was busy and couldn't get through it, you understand, maybe later in the summer he'll come back again, we'll see.

BOOK A WEEK SUMMER #5: Look at the Harlequins! by Nabokov

2011-07-05T11:55:00.005-04:00

As I was reading this I was convinced it was the most boring and laborious Nabokov I'd ever read (I've read a lot of Nabokov) but of course that faded, poolside, as I neared the finish. Even my ire over the exclamation in the title (awful!) has since paled and I'm even pleased with it.

Thanks for these:

"I would fight terror and solitude by working all day."

&

"Heavenly stars are seen as stellate only through tears."

look here!

2011-06-28T13:28:00.002-04:00

me on everyday genius trying for a MUBARAKIAN GRENDEL.

BOOK A WEEK SUMMER #4: Lint by Chris Ware

2011-06-28T11:34:00.005-04:00

EPIC BUMMER

but no less great, you know, because of it

BOOK A WEEK SUMMER #3

2011-06-21T13:11:00.003-04:00

VINTAGE DIDION is a composite beast, comprised of articles and book segments w. a loping range (the tumult of Cuban emigres in Miami to the Lewinsky scandal to the coverage of rape in Central Park and on and on). Kind of a patchwork selection of mastery.

*
The only Didion I've read before this was "My Year of Magical Thinking" so I didn't know what a great, metered journalist she is. I sort of thought of her as a mom writer- measured, thoughtful, preeminently respectful of feelings. I was wrong; she's a really sharp tactician & a diligent researcher. I guess "measured" and "thoughtful" stand but how sexist of me, I can't believe it.

*
Reading about the Clinton scandal right after the fallout of the Weiner scandal was vertiginous- how much the trope of publicly humiliating the philanderer has become a mainstay is interesting, given how shocking and repugnant the flagellation of Clinton was at the time. Didion talks about how the treatment of Clinton alienated people from his adversaries instead of himself. Not really sure if that happened for Weiner except in relation to Breitbart.

*
And back to magical thinking for a second- I noticed throughout these pieces a noted disdain for magic- she reserves the word for certain kinds of political device or media manipulation that she disdains (I counted three times the word "magical" for these) so her choice of the later title is notable. Her mistrust of magical thinking and hardliney reporter style is perhaps what enabled her decades later to write about her husband's sudden death in front of her so powerfully and succinctly- she barely uses an adjective. She is mistrustful- the invocation of magick is meant to describe a kind of deception, a sleight of hand to get something from people at their most emotionally vulnerable (she goes deep in w. the 9-11 magical thinking).

She herself employs none of these tactics. Even later, as grief was "tricking" her, she dutifully records its influence like she did in essays on media tropes beguiling audiences. I haven't read the book in a long time so I don't remember details about the structure or anyting but I do remember the empty feeling I had afterwards; very little is written about death in plain terms. The reaction was a little bit like mine to Stiff by Mary Roach, you know where you keep seeing your hand flipping the page as doomed tendons in a skin mitten and having some kind of mental nausea like a kid contemplating being dead forever for the first time. Every time is like the first time? Next week: "Spooky Didion."

ALSO I FINISHED THESE SOCKS TODAY

2011-06-19T17:50:00.002-04:00

i've been "working" on these since february. too bad it's way too hot to even contemplate socks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KOMBUCHA!

2011-06-19T17:42:00.002-04:00

mmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm

the kombucha turned out so well! thanks to JEN for the mama.

now:

at the beginning:

BOOK A WEEK SUMMER #2; "Particles of falling stars, coming to nothing. The air pits them, eating out the softer parts." WCW

2011-06-07T13:54:00.010-04:00

This week there are two small ones, The Great American Novel by William Carlos Williams and Golden Mole; Edge of the Visible World by Julia Calver.

The Great American Novel was a slow read for its size; you have to more let is wash over you than really attentively read it (anyway that's what I did).

Favorite part's here:

"Well sir, we're a strange people and we have some strange legends on the East Sho'. When Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden they fell sick and the Lord was very much disturbed over them so he called a council of his angels and wanted to know where they should be taken for a change of air.
Gabriel suggested the Eastern Sho' of Maryland but the Lord said, No, No; that wouldn't be sufficient change.
Yes sir, down at Chincoteague they have the biggest and the finest oysters in the world. Big as your hand and when you get half a dozen of them..."

And he goes on to describe the wild ponies swum in from sunken Spanish galleons, a familiar yarn to anyone who grew up in the state. Assateague numbers among my favorite places in the world so I appreciated the mention, you know like a friend making a cameo on TV.

Golden Mole is another of the tiny Monster Emporium Press pieces (along w. Matches, mentioned on here not too long ago). I like to grab one quick at the checkout of Atomic, mainly so I can get my $15+ card stamped, and haven't yet been disappointed. Some nondescript or otherwise evasive something about them really appeals to me, maybe the beige uniformity I don't know. This one folds out to reveal a small poster on the opposite side illustrating the title creature. A bonus. Really excellent, forces one to contemplate vision as a hallucinatory or disingenuous engagement with the world along w. author as she is confronted with the existence of the subterranean & entirely eyeless mole. Pretty beautiful & trying, perfectly conferred the horror of those thoughts that keep you up at night if you're thoughtful. In fact one shouldn't even try to sleep after if you are, like me, sensitive.

If I read more than one book in a week this summer how about they're considered competitors, no matter how dissimilar? I like it! Golden Mole takes the, um, enormous medal I've got here. THX FOR PLAYING, BOOKS!

A BOOK A WEEK SUMMER #1

2011-06-07T00:44:00.005-04:00

Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing.

Not going to write reviews, just hold myself accountable/ ransom with notes or quotes or brief impressions. For this one, pretty psyched on Bradbury's impassioned defense(s) of science fiction. Maybe this is a sci-fi summer?????

And if you want to feel kind of shitty, there's this:

"All during my early twenties I had the following schedule. On Monday morning I wrote the first draft of a new story. On Tuesday I did a second draft. On Wednesday a third. On Thursday a fourth. On Friday a fifth. And on Saturday at noon I mailed out the sixth and final draft to New York. Sunday? I thought about all the wild ideas scrambling for my attention..."

2011-04-30T22:45:00.005-04:00

tonight i made lamb + carrot + yellow squash curry with basmati rice and then a madeira cake all sourced from this morning's farmer's market. i'm never going out again because i have much too much work to do. sorry everyone at parties-- i'll see you on the other side.

also look for mira mattar's tiny book "matches" at atomic. it's creepy so i read it all at once, check it out if you're into that!

human voodoo, but for good

2011-04-27T18:46:00.003-04:00

i went to acupuncture for the first time tuesday, trying to reap all the benefits of health insurance while i've got it, and it really, really affected me. so now of course i'm fantasizing about having an eastern medicine practice and healing all the sad wounded people.

this morning, for the first time in my life, i actually drank decaffeinated coffee! i still feel great even now, after being a pretty malignant bummer for some months.

+ did you know your swollen tongue reveals horrible truths about you? after pretending that i eat really well my acupuncturist scoped my tongue, cocked her eyebrow, and asked how much sugar i eat. i was all, “oh did i not mention the candy i gnaw on daily and night?” so one’s “lying tongue” is lyrical but incorrect- a tongue is honest when you yourself are not.

twee twee twee twee

2011-04-19T00:45:00.012-04:00

There must be a quick pace in good fiction, never fractured or disjointed in a way that's distracting. Quick and seamless- even your jumps must be convincing. Above all I can't stand preciousity and/ or aimlessness; readers can pontificate to the sky on their own time; don't subject them to yours. What exactly is it with preciousity that's so annoying? I guess it's the defensiveness of it; preciousity is a system of evasions. The self-congratulatory tone of a fiction writer who thinks it a triumph to barter in fanciful metaphors instead of revealing any passion or god help us opinion inspires nothing but a lack of confidence. Even a great unusual metaphor, used gratuitously, is irritating enough to go do literally anything else. There are too many books to read. Please: have a point and get to it, even if it's suburban ennui or academia's malaise- both have been done beautifully. For god's sake don't sicken your reader. And I'm not cutting into experimental fiction here either- writers like Kathy Acker and Georges Perec never commit preciosity, not to mention young writers like Ben Segal and Rachel Glaser who have mastered the novel and the witty and the sancrosanct and the clever; just because precious authors litter the experimental realm certainly does not mean it works in circuit.

All of this recently came to a head when I was reading Karen Russell's "Blah Blah School for Girls Raised by Wolves" in anticipation of the lauded Swamplandia, a book I will never, ever read. Not because she isn't occasionally brilliant (she is), but because the preciousity dripped gleaming off the page into little honeypots labeled "annoyances." Which came with the book. Oh fuck it I don't know I don't traffic in this shit. Not only is preciosity super bourgeois & indulgent (Ngugi wa Thiongo & other non-Western authors don't even come close to the frippery while remaining staunchly experimental and what's more politically radical- Gikuyu, anyone?), but it absolutely ruins all these writers I want to like. It seems primed in MFA programs and consumed entirely by (white, degreed) writers of similarly grating prose. Who else could stomach it? The aim is maybe avant brilliance in the vein(s) of a Ben Marcus or a David Ohle, but done poorly you have just absolute shit drivel. You're insulting the audience if you expect them to be amused. As a style, it's fucking repulsive. The end.

flies

2011-04-12T10:40:00.006-04:00

we have a fly problem at the church. they hang around by the drop down ceiling, taunting me from 7 feet. i've been trying to make traps i found online but so far the saran wrap apple cider vinegar trap has caught 0, paper funnel fruit 0, actual funnel fruit 0.

in my research i found this picture:

ancient fly traps, what a marvel!

something to consider, disgusted with trash culture, before going out to buy yards of gnarly fly tape.

4

2011-04-10T22:37:00.002-04:00

2011-03-28T22:34:00.002-04:00

i'm mostly over here for now:

the animal within the animal

2011-03-20T07:14:00.001-04:00

3

2011-03-01T20:34:00.000-05:00

2

2011-02-24T23:55:00.000-05:00

2011-02-21T22:41:00.002-05:00

i made a photogenic tart sunday with canned peaches i got at the MILL VALLEY GENERAL STORE.

2011-02-21T22:36:00.002-05:00

on valentine's day rjyan and i went to ocean city. here are some shots of him posing.

you guys i think i nailed it for this week's caption contest

2011-02-20T22:59:00.004-05:00

2011-02-19T14:54:00.006-05:00

we have lost even this twilight.
no one saw us this evening hand in hand
while the blue night dropped on the world.

i have seen from my window
the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountaintops.

sometimes a piece of sun
burned like a coin between my hands.

i remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

where were you then?
who else was there?
saying what?
why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when i am sad and feel you are far away?

the book fell that is always turned to at twilight
and my cape rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

always, always you recede through the evenings
towards where the twilight goes erasing statues.

pablo neruda trans. by w.s. merwin

what I mean is that I feel like this:

it's a windy one so after lightfooting it to the co-op for some well needed ingredients i've been holed up reading w. black tea & miso rye toast, among other things. lots of pictures coming shortly.

2011-02-05T20:37:00.000-05:00

2011-01-30T21:35:00.002-05:00

on parking

2011-01-28T17:01:00.007-05:00

it's winter in hampden, so i thought i'd share a tip with everyone on neighborhood parking spots in blizzard conditions. it's something i see a lot of, and i just wanted to shout out my relatively simple rule of thumb here to spare shovelers unnecessary misery.

don't protect your parking spot with a wooden chair (see photos 1 & 2)

1.

2011

2.

2011

a chair made of wood is just about as useful as another paper product: a scrap of cardboard. soggy, useless, ultimately crushable.

use a metal chair instead. (see photo 3)

3.

2011

resort to ruthlessness only then, only if and when a spot thief removes your metal chair. (see photo 4)

4.

2010

2011-01-27T14:26:00.007-05:00

a christmas mystery

2011-01-27T13:04:00.003-05:00

the day i came home from christmas in dc, tired, cold, and hungover, i found the porch bedecked with these items:

and a little note:

thank you jessica! who are you? we think we love you

a holiday show at the church

2011-01-27T12:56:00.004-05:00

the yule log was crackling

fin carved out a little light cave from the ether

emily brought mangled and otherwise rejected sugar cookies from this batch

rjyan made cider whiskey and spiked cocoa

how nice!

rolling out

2011-01-15T20:48:00.005-05:00

i'm preparing to move & really trying to parse down my belongings before i do. maybe a winter yard sale is forthcoming? otherwise spending much of my time trying to tie off these loose ends (including my job) and paint everything white again. i like painting walls white because you can be so sloppy about it. hit a ceiling, hit a molding, spray your face, no problem. anyway, these were inspiring.

more here

2011-01-09T16:56:00.006-05:00

I've basically been stalled on this thing because I can't figure out how to connect my camera to my new computer.

Just as soon as I have, you can look forward to new posts circling around but never sufficiently describing found letters, a typewritten mystery note from an alleged neighbor (adjacent retirement home, I'm looking at you) and a holiday party at the church, along with any other semiprecious thing that should happen in the meantime.

Book notes: The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie was good, if unfocused. Gallavanting through time and mythos selecting new characters to focus on at the expense of completing the arc of prior ones was a little irritating. It's the first Rushdie I've read so I can't tell if that's typical of the ouevre or just a less impressive work than The Satanic Verses or whatever his main steez is. I'd been rereading If on a winter's night a traveler before I started so I felt tolerant at the onset of simply going wherever I was led- but that does require that you trust the author not to lead through meaningless corridors, and I'm not entirely sure that I should have.

And this quote happened:

"She found his vanity seductive. She was in love with his faults. A man who believed himself to be a god was perhaps the man for her."

which I elect to interpret as a subterranean veiled message aimed at me

found letter 1/7/2010

2011-01-09T16:44:00.003-05:00

transcribed:

Ay Boo Boo, Long time no talk how you been, and how's everything you stayin out of trouble. I Been aight, I had a lil girl in August Makenzie but other then that same shit. Sorry I aint Right you sooner I been busy as hell trying to be the Best mommy I can be LOL. But I Been with Ash I alot and we talk about you all the time and I told her to tell me when she writes you so I can keep in touch nigga. and hang in there well that's it 4 now Love ya. love Megen

2011-01-02T14:37:00.001-05:00

this is me and my new cat!

Jefferson Airplane -White Rabbit-

2010-12-29T18:03:00.000-05:00

2010-12-29T17:59:00.000-05:00

2010-12-16T21:27:00.000-05:00

2010-12-02T20:24:00.001-05:00

bought fabric tonight for a winter jacket and now i've found my hood pattern!

2010-12-02T20:01:00.008-05:00

teaching benjamin franklin's writing all day seeps into the after hours. but what after hours?

daily schedule:

6:00- 9:00: a dozen + buzzing alarms, hurried travel!
9:00- 4:00: "teaching" school. teaching "school." "teaching" "school."
4:00- 5:00: misc. club responsibilities, grading, shepherding people out the door or staring at the sea of emptied desks shell-shocked, hoarse, whimpering.
5:00- 8:00: either attending 1 of 2 pedagogy classes or on lucky days napping.
8:00- 10:00: hurried dinners, showers, conversations.
10:00- 1:00: frantic planning/ wine/ trees/ films

6:00- 9:00: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
9:00- 4:00: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
4:00- 5:00: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
5:00- 8:00: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
8:00- 10:00: hurried dinners, showers, conversations.
10:00- 1:00: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

2010-11-01T23:09:00.003-04:00

this is a sloth in a box, dear followers, and if i had eleven sloths i would box them up to send to each and every one of you. picture it: you wake up and this gentleman is waiting for you on the doorstep, ready for anything, ready to ruin the curtains (you won't mind, of course- the sloth has really put things in perspective for you).

anyway just a thought for when i have more resources. thanks for reading.

2010-10-11T20:04:00.003-04:00

In the dark times
Will there also be singing?
Yes, there will be singing
About the dark times.
- BERTOLT BRECHT

ngugi wa thiongo is genius and his memoir is a work of genius. i'm reading it slowly with ardor but i took out a moment to write you this message.

other news: emily got a dog that i call tiger or seabiscuit depending on whether he's being good or dumb. more soon! so long!

life right now by estelle by me

2010-10-07T22:34:00.004-04:00

(c) estelle srivijittakar

rose: beginning to know that which i am up against. meaning, basically, that finally i know the task that i blindly signed up to do

bud: so many books to read on the bureau- wait i don't have a bureau- you know stacked to the ceiling

thorn: worked to dizzy distraction by day + profoundly lazy by night. and i miss estelle duh

2010-09-19T16:06:00.001-04:00

+
new job; unit 1- "a new world"
new tattoo
new weather

a distant, long gone adventure

2010-09-11T12:50:00.002-04:00

to start with, we paddle-boated to the island, pausing to fish and catch nothing, and lashed the "playmate" to aunt kathy's pontoon. free and unencumbered, on a dare we swam the entire half mile distance back to the cabin. it's basically just like the english channel and john and i swam it all, backstroke and unafraid because neither could quit if the other kept going.

eve trumpetflower is alive

2010-09-05T20:15:00.002-04:00

ZENTROPY MEDITATION

ENTER ME & RJYAN TO THE NEW AGE

2010-08-24T00:25:00.000-04:00

2010-08-01T00:27:00.003-04:00

annie visited me and together we visited sea life.

2010-07-26T21:31:00.003-04:00

2010-07-26T21:22:00.002-04:00

momentary disaster

(andrew is unperturbed)

the howling winds! the howling winds!

2010-07-21T22:56:00.004-04:00

i've neglected the internet, neglected plants and friends and hygiene.

-but-

my final observation popped off really well this morning. the eighth graders clapped for me and i blushed. after 6 weeks, only 5 more 14 hour days, 2 papers, whartscape, and some oddball charts whose purpose i can't really ascertain. and another interview friday. the new rick ross is me.

above: august's family reunion on the lake, so foggy and faraway and potentially skippable.

2010-06-27T18:29:00.000-04:00

still love you, gio

tips for ancient Japanese swordfighting, life

2010-06-27T18:19:00.003-04:00

1. Do not think dishonestly.
2. The Way is in training.
3. Become acquainted with every art.
4. Know the Ways of all professions.
5. Distinguish between gain and loss in worldly matters.
6. Develop intuitive judgement and understanding for everything.
7. Perceive those things which cannot be seen.
8. Pay attention even to trifles.
9. Do nothing which is of no use.

- Miyamoto Musashi, from A Book of Five Rings

"do with that what you will"

2010-06-18T22:17:00.007-04:00

voicemail by lissa spielman

2010-06-16T14:17:00.005-04:00

by Aristide Antonas

pretty tempting (pretty, tempting), although any sort of architectural beat postcollege just makes me miss reading le corbusier's strange, compelling mandates about sort of phantom but mostly just unreal (hallucinatory?) design problems. he and stanley burroughs have a similar writing style, both tending towards dr. brommer. anyway, i like it, and i like these cave beds too.

ALSO (and i almost forgot this) corbusier is a swiss person, and swiss people are celebrating today for beating spain, and i feel like celebrating them celebrating.

so fine, le corbuse, i'm with you that while "chairs are architecture, sofas are bourgeois." all the working class sofas in the world can make their springs groan w. this assertion but today it stands! hooray for gelson fernandes!

sad magic

2010-06-14T18:38:00.009-04:00

frustrated with all the first round ties (paraguay vs. italy 1:1 this afternoon esp. dispiriting; italy had possession 90% of the time + failed to sink anything past one). being briefly unemployed has made my emotional investment a little bit more severe than in previous years (not working -> getting worked up!) plus i guess i couldn't watch matches in sports bars before either, something of a game-changer.

here's some soccer consolation to share, although ronaldinho's exclusion from this world cup is pretty maddening, unforgivable. i.e., it's not very consoling at all. NEVERTHELESS: beautiful, magic.

2010-06-09T13:02:00.004-04:00

recent books:

bataille's l'abbê c
rachel glaser's pee on water
polina barskova's this lamentable city
dave eggers' zeitoun

recent movies:

straw dogs
fitzcarraldo
please give (went for catherine keener and stayed for amanda peet)
the carter

totally, completely, filthy tired from the 6 o'clock wake up, student teaching in the heat, summer institute literacy seminar, all-cohort meeting, and the finished flexible grouping model due at midnight. and since i am home before 8, that this is an easy day.

BUT I WILL ICE SKATE.

2010-06-09T12:50:00.006-04:00

"WE ARE GOING TO STOP THE LEAK. WE'RE GOING TO CLEAN UP THE OIL, WE'RE GOING TO REMEDIATE ANY ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE, AND WE ARE GOING TO RETURN THE GULF COAST TO THE POSITION IT WAS IN PRIOR TO THIS EVENT."
BP CEO TONY HAYWARD via dc metro express

about right

2010-06-09T12:43:00.001-04:00

thomas, dad

2010-06-09T12:37:00.002-04:00

"'But,' she continued, 'you know how happy I was down below; I feel even happier on this roof. I'm even on the point of being in pain because of that happiness: I get pleasure at this point from feeling an intolerable pain as if, eaten by lions, I was watching them eat me.'"

BATAILLE, L'ABBÉ C

2010-05-31T13:41:00.003-04:00

cyrus & cyon: two small people i see every day, even when i don't want to.

goodbye office

2010-05-25T07:56:00.008-04:00

"IT WAS PLEASANTLY, BRIGHTLY COMICAL, INDIFFERENT AND, IN THE LONG RUN, INTOLERABLE (BUT MY LAST THOUGHTS ALREADY IMPLIED A RETURN TO THE WORLD)." - Bataille (thanks to Kate)

2010-05-25T07:37:00.005-04:00

we ate half a bushel (4-5 dozen) crabs in a 30 hour period this weekend. no sides, strictly crabs, every 2ish hours. we look amazing.

BEFORE:

AFTER:

(+ this photo shows w. cartoon exactitude what i thought my life would be like if i moved back to maryland!)

loch raven

2010-05-23T16:40:00.000-04:00

2010-05-22T08:39:00.007-04:00

i'm shopping around a sitcom based on our block. this just begins to convey cyrus's impishness/ uncontrollable mischief.

Viktor Frankl

2010-05-21T12:32:00.002-04:00

Viktor Frankl: Why to believe in others | Video on TED.com

i like his style, but what is the "drift"?

2010-05-17T10:05:00.002-04:00

last night everyone made fun of me for backslash ending my blog and posting a joy division video w. it. you know, which made me think.

i wanted to quit so i could finally start my date(s) blog(s), i.e. a collection of 365 blogs for every day of the year each of which i would update annually.

but enough, enough of my tepid explanations & apologia.

youle blog is a great pun on yule log and probably a lot of people with this name wish that they had thought of it before me. i had lost sight of that.

< / blog >

2010-04-27T11:44:00.002-04:00

goodbye for now

2010-04-18T15:19:00.002-04:00

ATTITUDE GIRL

2010-04-14T20:01:00.001-04:00

2010-04-13T11:50:00.003-04:00

i want to do this. or have someone else do it to my hair.

mountain mama scolds the washington post

2010-04-10T10:22:00.006-04:00

(it looks prettier in print version, but the link can be found here)

today the washington post learned something that i learned in infancy, which is, chiefly, that hillbilly women aren't to be trifled with. specifically my mother. also i mean come on don't relegate the worst coal mining disaster since 1970 to the back pages in favor of more bullshit on tiger woods, wtf is wrong with you?

i can't come near to fully understanding her sadness and anger (richwood, wva phone tag descends on the house, reminding me that my bike accident isn't really a catastrophic, historical event). but just as i see her sort of pained marvel at the boarded up storefronts when we go back to the mountains, although i can't really access it, i have to fall silent and you know, recognize this great hurt.

a lot of news in the past few days while i've been laid up, as they searched for the remaining 4 miners who were eventually found dead. gov. joe manchin really broke my heart, he looked so tired.

CONVALESCENCE IN 3x3 REVIEWS

2010-04-09T20:25:00.008-04:00

UP IN THE AIR- polyamory's thwarted potential/ airport soap descent/ sad clooney unconvincing

HOW TO MAKE IT IN AMERICA- watched 5, cringing/ why 5? why?/ sossamon hair tempting

WETA- mom, remote tyrant/ "pomp and circumstance"/ endless boring ties

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE- sarah jessica parker/ traces family tree/ incites infinite groan

the sun is setting on my accident/// \\\the sun is setting on my face

2010-04-09T19:22:00.012-04:00

my bike accident has been incredibly well photodocumented, the angle here necessitated by how swollen & alien the bridge of my nose remains! mm, yellow!

-
an unexpected consequence is that i can't really bathe. i tried and it was too painful, too many appendages can't go underwater, tailbone swimming around on tile is excruciating- clean hair is in no way worth it. and how can one lather, lather with half a thumb? so it's just me & my own filth, lots of arnica, painkillers that ravage my stomach so mylanta too, some cream (spackle?) that turns skin to scales, gauze, an ankle bootie.

UNFORTUNATELY NOTHING AIDS A BROKEN TAILBONE.

+
but still, good spirits. in fact my older brother told me he couldn't think of a person who would take permanent facial disfigurement better than me. thanks tommy!

-
the worst is that i had to miss the full frame film festival in durham this weekend bc i can't really stand or sit, just lay sideways and drift in and out of sleep. i can't think about that yet though, it's too sad.

+
but in all i was very, very lucky, and i learned a lesson about helmets, and i could have learned a lot of other lessons that i narrowly skirted having to learn, like getting head trauma checked out immediately, not the next day, and you know never to take narcotics after you've been concussed, ever- whoops i did that. but i'm very grateful to my all friends who rescued & revived me and for my family and for everyone and their concern and for the doctor who said that i so closely avoided a spinal cord injury that i should thank my lucky star every day and not be a brat, which i have been, in small doses, but then i think of the delicate internal corridor of my spine and i'm like all right, i can deal with a shattered tailbone and a wonky limp and a smashed up face.

2010-04-04T16:43:00.002-04:00

film reviews:

WHITE RIBBON sick

MAN ON WIRE sick

book reviews:

lorrie moore's BIRDS OF AMERICA sick

HAIR NEWS:

permanent & accidental dreadlocks along the top-back of my head have returned, a summer symptom i will no longer rectify w/ conditioner laden comb in the shower. because i tried, and it didn't work this time.

also i just looked down and noticed that all the hairs on my right forearm are singed or gone completely! i can't imagine why! deeply disconcerting & worrisome, and also looks "off."

WE'RE AIMING TO CREATE THE MILDEWY, RESINOUS SMELL OF DANCE, THE PARSED, REPEATED MOVEMENT...I AM THINKING NOT ONLY OF MY OWN BODY HERE, THAT UNBEGUILABLE, BROKEN BASKET, THAT STIFF MERINGUE.

2010-04-04T15:26:00.013-04:00

out attempting a garden this morning and look, emmylou found a newt! an EASTER newt.

it was very exciting for us, and then she left to buy a ouija board. the graveyard looms near, but really i think she just wants to communicate w/ the mouse whose rotting carcass must be somewhere around the oven, making cooking anything totally nauseating. so now i eat strictly tacos, tacos that i have not made.

otherwise:

mom came to visit baltimore herbalist and stopped by with surprise gift- a trunk full of stolen bamboo. "i knew you'd want it," she said.

thanks, ma. new collection has been set to moderately good use, and definitely on the incline (some ideas: tiny teepees, backyard torches, a life raft!!)

but for now i made a shelf by lashing 5 rods together and setting it atop shelves that i did not make. suspending clutter 2 ft above where it usually lay makes vast desktop improvement and more importantly it is very tropical looking & disseminates good vibrations. i'm very proud of it.

disregard the photo of silvio berlusconi on my bulletin board, it was an uncommissioned gift.
also that my div iii is sitting there, looking as if i've opened it since may. NOPE! but i was all hyped up and yakking deep in conversation the other night and i don't remember what but something felt topical so i rushed upstairs 3 at a time & dragged it out but by then the moment had passed and so i just went back downstairs and acted as if i had gone to the bathroom- not a big deal.

MY LIFE HAS BEEN THE POEM I WOULD HAVE WRIT
BUT I COULD NOT BOTH LIVE & UTTER IT

2010-04-01T11:08:00.001-04:00

+
it's barbeque season!

2010-03-30T12:36:00.004-04:00

+
lots of things lately, like woven sandals & the continual improvement of our CSA. but little time.

2010-03-26T20:08:00.007-04:00

23, with lots of leftovers! thanks to everyone who visited and/ or cooked for me. things have been so much fun that i've abandoned poor secret blog.

MIDNIGHT BIRTHDAY DINNER

risotto & sausage & guacamole & beet salad & wine not pictured

BIRTHDAY BREAKFAST

i like how the porch reveals subtle changes by photo/ day. changes not including tan's outfit.

but look he made eggs benedict! i.e. he made hollandaise sauce! pro. let's take a closer look:

BIRTHDAY PROPER

chocolate layer cake w. whipped cream icing, endless cupcakes.

will pick up the pace, w. all the spring projects i've been plotting, but first i have to do a few simple things like fix my bike. i'm 23 now so i have to prioritize.

2010-03-05T10:44:00.002-05:00

by otmar gutmann

2010-03-02T20:22:00.007-05:00

this is a favorite meal of mine, the after-work 3 course.

first a salad (boston lettuce courtesy of sunday's csa pickup & walnuts)

then a sausage (also csa) w. dijon

and a bit later, fingerling sweet potatoes (csa) & butter (csa, csa!)

basically you just arrive home and immediately begin cooking everything regardless of timing & eat immediately upon finishing, one by one-- built in "courses"! the residue of previous dishes enhances the flavor, unless you suspect it won't & then you can just rinse out the bowl. in whatever downtime you have, you can work on washing up the sink full of dishes or watering neglected houseplants. oh, midweek. i can embrace you because you now start on tuesday.

the sweet potatoes were off-the-chains good, which is something i say often but have never written down and having done so realize i really shouldn't say anymore. OFF-THE-CHAINS GOOD. it means, like, really good.

+
i made a feathered valentine some weeks ago:

+
and just one more of alice because she is so beautiful and disarming:

2010-03-02T13:50:00.001-05:00

+
debuting new 4 day work week